


I Larb You

by PumpkinDoodles



Category: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-05-30 19:38:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15103565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PumpkinDoodles/pseuds/PumpkinDoodles
Summary: Darcy Lewis needs a favor from Stephen Strange: she wants to set him up on a blind date. With May Parker.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JediKaren](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JediKaren/gifts).



> *I own nothing.

Stephen Strange was very tired. He’d spent the day corralling a magical menace at the Met. Someone had donated an ancient artifact with very toxic properties and he’d had to call on both his skills as a magician and a physician to save that poor curator. Now, he was bringing the item back to the Sanctum for safekeeping. 

 

“We very much appreciate your help, Dr. Strange,” one of the museum’s directors told him. “You saved Dr. Abernathy’s life.”

“I am only lucky I was in time,” Strange said. It was not something he would have admitted as a surgeon, but now that he had learned to bend time and space, it was more and more aware of how fragile timing was and how necessary to any endeavor. There had been some people he’d been unable to save, after all. “Please do call on me if any other new items display any intriguing properties,” he said.

 

With a last wave at the director of acquisitions, he portaled himself back to Bleeker St., took the box with the poisonous Sumerian tablets upstairs and put it next to the armor in one of his secure cases, and returned to the ground floor for tea. Even his Cloak of Levitation seemed a bit droopy with fatigue. He’d just taken his first sip--the soothing Tibetan tea seemed to go straight to his tension headache and make it unfold like a lotus, praise the Buddha--went he heard a sound. A familiar sound.

 

_ Tap-tap. Tap. Tap-tap. Tap. _

 

“Oh, no,” Stephen Strange said to his cloak. 

 

“Hey, Strange!” Darcy Lewis said when he swung the door open. “What’s shakin, doc?”

“Miss Lewis, to what do I owe this pleasure?” he asked, trying not to sigh. He failed.

“I need a favor,” she said. “Oh, hey, cloak.” The Cloak of Levitation waved limply at her. “What’s wrong with you, little buddy?” she asked the cloak kindly. Miss Lewis seemed to be able to form close bonds with magical objects, Strange knew. She’d mourned a “Mew Mew” for several weeks before he realized she was talking about Thor’s lost Mjolnir. 

“The Cloak is quite tired. We’ve had a busy day,” Strange said, hoping she’d take the hint. She did not. She merely sailed into his living room, plopped down on the sofa, and poured herself a cup of his very expensive tea. 

“This is really good,” she told him.

“It’s for headaches,” he said, rubbing his forehead. “How can I help you again? Do you need a portal? Help with an Asgardian item?”

“No and no. I need you to go on a blind date, doc,” Darcy said, smiling.

“Oh, dear Lord, not this again. Miss Lewis, we’ve covered this. You’re a relentlessly well-intentioned matchmaker, but I’m a poor prospect for the kind of women you know,” he said.

“I set you up with gorgeous, eligible women, my dude,” she objected.

“I will admit that Natasha Romanoff and Maria Hill are very attractive, in a terrifying way, but you cannot expect them to find me attractive when they prefer men like the Winter Soldier and women like Agent 13, respectively.”

“I totally didn’t know Maria and Sharon were a thing, I swear,” Darcy said. “Besides, this is a totally normal woman.”

“Who do you know who is normal?” Strange asked curiously. “Everyone you know is either a superhero, a SHIELD agent, or a brilliant scientist or several of the above?”

“Well, she is kind of superhero adjacent,” Darcy admitted. 

“How so?” Strange asked.

“She’s the adorable Spiderbaby’s aunt.”

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I should have mentioned that Dr. Strange is always, always British in my AUs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing! Nada. Thanks for all your kudos and comments.

“Who is the adorable Spiderbaby?” Strange asked, baffled.

“Teenager, red and blue suit, spider webby stuff, fights crime after school,  ridiculously cute?” Darcy said, pulling out her phone. “Look at that face, Other Steve!”

“Other Steve?” he asked. The teen posing with Darcy in the selfie did look very young and sweet-faced.

“Captain America beat you to Steve by about a century,” she said, smiling. 

“Isn’t he a little young to fight crime?” Strange asked.

“Original Steve? Are you making a joke about Captain America? I’m very proud if you are,” she said, beaming.

“No, no, this adorable Spider person,” Strange said. “He looks all of fifteen.”

“He  _ is  _ young, isn’t he? I keep trying to convince Tony to start a superhero summer camp so he and anyone else in his age bracket will have special training. The Maximoffs want to be camp counselors because they’ve seen it in the movies,” she said. “Also, Thor, but I think that’s just because he thinks you get to play Frisbee and set bonfires at camp. He’s bringing Loki back this week.”

“What? Does he need help?” Strange asked. “Containing his brother?”

“Nah, he says they’re fine. Loki’s only in trouble for usurping the throne from Odin again. Odin was doing this Odinsleep thing, it’s sort of like a bear hibernation deal? Anyway, yadda yadda yadda, Loki magics himself into Odin and spends all his time writing plays where he’s the heroic main character?” she said. “He sort of spent all of Asgard’s operating budget on grapes and stage backdrops, so now Odin is hella pissed. But he helped us take down that Thanos guy with zero casualties, so it's a win-win, really.”

“He wrote plays?” Strange asked, baffled. “The homicidal aspiring world dictator is also a playwright?

“Natasha says he has a child’s need for attention. Like, it doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad, he just wants to feel seen?” Darcy said. “She’s usually pretty astute about that stuff. She knew about Stucky weeks before any of us.”

“Stucky?” he said. “Is that a...fast food restaurant?” 

Darcy laughed. “It sounds like one, but it’s just our name for Steve and Bucky as a couple. Like Brangelina?” she said.

“Oh,” he said. “I hope they are very happy together after all those decades apart.”

“They are! It’s too cute. Steve blushes whenever Bucky kisses him in public. I’m still sad about Brangelina, though.”

Strange rubbed his forehead. “We appear to have gone off on a tangent, Miss Lewis,” he said.

“Oh, yeah, right! Okay, okay okay,” she said, waving her arms. “That was totally my Joe Pesci impression, by the way.  _ Lethal Weapon?  _ Anyhow, this is the adorable Spiderbaby’s equally adorable aunt. Isn’t she gorgeous?”

 

The brunette in the selfie on Darcy’s phone was, indeed, very gorgeous. “My dude,” Darcy said, ticking off on her fingers, “she is single, age-appropriate, she does yoga, and she works in the art department for one of those big beauty conglomerates, you know, the ones who own like, twenty cosmetics, perfume, and handbags brands? Have you seen the bus ads where that perfume bottle is exploding into flowers? She designed that! And she met Estée Lauder once. Estée complimented her on her shoes!”

 

“Estée Lauder was a real person?” Strange asked, perplexed.

“I didn’t know, either. How cool is that?” Darcy asked him, beaming. “So, you’re game, right?” 

Strange looked down at the smiling woman on Darcy’s phone screen. “I suppose you’ve convinced me,” he said, dryly. “Again.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I couldn't find an official job for May Parker other than "housewife" in canon, so I gave her Halle Berry's job in Catwoman, which is actually a pretty nifty job. I sort of imagine May designing ads for Flowerbomb and wearing a lot of cool Novica and Sundance catalog jewelry. She has style.
> 
> *Who are we shipping Darcy with in this universe? Tasertricks? WinterShieldShock? I totally haven't decided yet. The canvas is open for requests.
> 
> *Also, A: AoU & CA: CW didn't go down the same way, so Pietro is still alive and everyone gets along and Bucky has recovered from non-fugitive Wakandan assistance and Thanos & his army got magically vacuumed up Death somehow (it was probably Loki's sweet-talking). Yada yada yada, I have just hand waved away all of the things that depress me in canon.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing. Thanks for all the comments and support!

Darcy had made reservations for them at some Asian fusion restaurant she’d heard about from an old college friend named Foggy? Stephen was very confused about who Foggy was, but Darcy told him that Foggy was good people and his ex-coworkers Matt and Karen had had a great date at this particular restaurant once. When Strange got there on a Thursday night, he was greeted by a riot of lights: chili pepper string lights, Halloween lights, lamps, and twinkle lights adorned the whole place. It was like stepping inside a rainbow, he thought, or like being in another dimension.

 

May Parker was sitting underneath a string of chili pepper lights. Appropriate, he thought. She was stunningly beautiful.

“Dr. Strange?” she asked. “May Parker,” she said, shaking his hand.

“Hi, hello, yes,” he said, momentarily breathless at her smile. “I didn’t decide to call myself Dr. Strange, I promise,” he said as he sat down opposite her.  “That is my actual legal name,” he said, smiling.

“You come from a long line of Stranges?” she suggested playfully.

“Oh, yes, the whole family’s...odd,” he said, grinning. “We’re British, so we drink things that Americans think should be cold at room temperature and are baffled by air conditioning. Quite overfond of linen suits in summer, too.”

“How did you end up here in New York?” she asked.

“Medical residency,” he said. “I used to be a surgeon.”

“That’s what Darcy told me,” May said, “she was very insistent on it being a selling point.”

“She’s a rabid, if well-intentioned matchmaker,” Strange said. “I managed to keep her from showing up to give me a pep talk before I left tonight.”

“Not as scary as Romanoff,” May said. “She keeps trying to set me up with various SI employees.”

“Darcy actually set me up _with_ Miss Romanoff herself,” Strange said.

“Didn’t go well?” May asked, raising her eyebrows and looking mirthful.

“I was rather afraid she would kill me with a fork if she didn’t like the restaurant,” he said. At that, May Parker laughed for a whole minute.

“I can totally see it!” she said, once her giggles had subsided. “Former surgeon dead, fork implicated, mysterious redhead spotted fleeing the scene.”

“I would have ended up on one of those crime shows,” he said, as someone came to get their drink orders. “Would you like wine? I’ve never eaten here.”

“Oh, they make great larb, you’ll love it,” May said. The waiter beamed at her. Waiters loved May.

“Where are you from?” Stephen asked, when the waiter had departed.

“Here, well, not this restaurant, obvs---I picked that up from my nephew’s friends, all the kids are saying obvs--but New York,” she said. “I’ve always lived here.”

“Yes, I hear your nephew is rather adorable,” he said.

“Everyone loves Peter,” May said, “which makes it easy for him to get away with murder, unfortunately. I’m very afraid Tony is going to give him a company or something.”

“Perhaps something web-based?” Strange cracked dryly and she giggled again. This time, she actually clapped her hand over her mouth. If Darcy hadn’t told him she was the Adorable Spiderbaby’s aunt by marriage, he would have said all the adorable came from her.

 

“Wait, what about Dr. Doom?” she said suddenly. “Is he British, too?”

“Actually, I think he’s American. But I’ve been informed that is, technically, his legal name as well,” Stephen Strange said. “I think perhaps that von Doom is Dutch?”

 

***

Across town, they were packing up the last of SI’s belongings for the move upstate. Darcy and Jane were doing their lab stuff themselves, because Jane didn’t trust anyone else to do it right. Suddenly, they heard a rumble of thunder and a crack of lightning.

“Thor!” Jane said, popping up from behind a stack of boxes and beaming. She had dust smudges on her nose.

“My Lightning Bro arrives hence with the ne’er do well,” Darcy said cheerfully, as she followed Jane to the elevator.

“Don’t call him the ne’er do well in front of Thor, it hurts his feelings,” Jane said.

“Janey, he has tried to kill us. Several times,” Darcy said.

“Yeah, but he stabs Thor all the time, so Thor has a different frame of reference,” Jane said.

“If he turns into something creepy crawly, I’m still tasing him,” Darcy insisted.

“Like you won’t just run away screaming? I remember that time the snake crawled out of the van in New Mexico,” Jane said, as the elevator went up and up.

“I may be a fierce lady warrior, but I hate snakes,” Darcy said, shuddering.

“Yes, Indiana Lewis,” Jane teased.

 

When they got to the roof, there were two men standing on the helipad. “My Jane!” Thor boomed as Jane ran into his arms.

“That would make you the Lightning Sister, I take it?” a voice said at Darcy’s elbow. It was Loki. He’d vanished from his spot beside Thor and was now leaning--with an air of studied casualness--in the doorway they’d just exited.

“Hey, how’d you do that?” Darcy asked incredulously, when she’d turned to face him.

“Magic,” he said, giving her a wink. “Thor never said you were pretty.”

“Yeah, could be because you’ve tried to kill me a few times,” she said, putting her hands on her hips. “He might have thought it was irrelevant.”

“I am sorry about that,” he said, sounding not at all sorry. “I anticipate”--he nodded at Thor and Jane, currently making out--”that they’ll be at it like eels for the foreseeable future. Would you like to come with me?” he asked.

“Where would we be going?” Darcy asked.

“Dinner?” he said.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The restaurant is Panna II from S2 of Daredevil, although I don't know if they do larb IRL. But it's so pretty!  
> https://www.tripadvisor.com/LocationPhotoDirectLink-g60763-d478257-i185517629-Panna_II_Garden_Indian_Restaurant-New_York_City_New_York.html


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GBBO and tequila?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing! Thanks for your comments and kudos.

At the end of dinner, Stephen Strange and May Parker were enjoying some sort of coconut cake. The waiter had recommended it.  “Is that a spice?” Strange asked. “Do you taste it, too? In the layers?”

“Mmm-hmm,” May said. She was a dessert person. She noticed that he was letting her eat most of the cake. She appreciated that. “I think it’s nutmeg and cinnamon? Fresh ground nutmeg is much stronger.”

He took a small forkful and tasted it again. “How very interesting,” he said.

“When my mother says something is interesting, she means horrible,” May said, laughing.

“She and I may be in agreement on some things,” he said, smiling. “But not in this case. I like it. Do you bake?”

“Sometimes,” she said. “Not as much as I’d like. Peter and I watch _The Great British Bake Off_ a lot. I’ve always wanted to bake along with that, but the recipes are so complex and...”  She paused.

“Weird?” he offered.

“No, no,” she said. “I didn’t mean that!” She didn’t want to insult him. She had decided she would go on a second date with him, if he asked.

“Interesting, then? You’re right. My sister watches that show. I’ve seen the towers made of bread and the frankly cruel challenges of the Mary Berry.” He shook his head. “The tortures that woman dreamed up for those poor bakers.”

“The Mary Berry?” May asked, laughing.

“Like the Queen, she is esteemed enough that she gets her own _the_ now,” he said, smiling. “I just wish it had taken off over here years ago, it would have given me something easy to chat about with patients.”

“Is that difficult for you?” May asked, surprised. He seemed very friendly with her.

“Oh, I’m terrible,” he said.

“I don’t believe you,” she said.

“You haven’t seen my patient feedback surveys from the old days. I wouldn’t even rate interesting,” he joked.

“What do you think of Paul Hollywood?” May asked teasingly.

“Actually, I do wonder if he spray tans with nutmeg?” Strange asked.

“Oh my God, I bet he does,” May said, laughing. “Wait, I need to write this down, so I remember to tell Peter,” she said, pulling out a little notebook. “We do a little thing where if we see something cool or hear a joke, we take a picture or write it down, so we have something fun to talk about together at dinner? Sort of a bonding thing?”

“That sounds nice,” he said. He imagined trying to find something to make May Parker smile everyday. It wouldn’t be difficult.

 

***

In a different part of the city, Loki had magicked Darcy to another place. “Why are we in an alley beside a grocery store?” Darcy asked. There was a named spray painted on side: Tienda Mis Amigos.

“Because our friends at Mis Amigos have a little sideline,” Loki said, scrutinizing the brick wall. He found a boarded up door. “Ah ha,” he said, wrapping at spot with his knuckles. A panel slid away and a pair of eyes peered out.

“Is this a speakeasy?” Darcy asked, incredulous. There was a muffled noise of distress behind the door. Loki smiled and put a finger to his lips.

“Our friends do not like that word,” he said, “as it implies they might lack a--what do you call it?--a proper liquor license.”

 

The door opened and he stepped inside. Darcy followed him, very dubiously, into a dark corridor. They emerged in a circular restaurant lit with votive candles and and red lights. There was a three-person band playing softly in the middle of the circle. The man who’d opened the door took them to a table off to one side.  “I hear,” Loki said quietly, “that they make a very good margarita here. They specialize in tequila.”

“Margarita it is then,” Darcy said, when the man looked at her expectantly. He wasn’t much of a talker, she’d gathered.

“Two margaritas,” Loki said. In the center of the room, a woman stepped up to the microphone and began singing “Cielo Rojo.”

 

“Oh, man, I love this song,” Darcy said. She wiggled slightly in happiness.

“I have been informed you were quite put out when the, uh, son of Coul took your portable device for music?” he asked politely.

“Yes, but I didn’t stab him over it,” Darcy said.

“Would it help if I said I was under a light form of mind control at the time?” he asked, looking up at the ceiling. He could do innocent face very well, she thought.

“What about all those times you transformed into things and stabbed your brother?” she asked. She realized she sounded like a frustrated babysitter. Loki shrugged elegantly.

“The element of surprise?” he asked. “He is rather larger a man than I am?”

Darcy had to admit that was true. “Did you really turn into Steve once?” she asked, leaning in and whispering.

“Yes,” he said. For a split-second, she was looking into a pair of familiar, all-American blue eyes in a sweet face. Then he smiled his Loki smile with Steve’s mouth.

“Oh em gee,” Darcy said. “That is freaky.”

“Yes, my brother finds it quite distressing,” he said, returning to his usual self. “Here is the man with the margaritas,” he said as a waiter returned. He set the glasses down on the table and retreated.

Darcy took a sip. “Oh, this is really good,” she said. “Amazing.”

“I agree,” he said. “But I am a little peckish. May I?” he asked. She thought he meant he wanted to order. She nodded yes. He snapped his fingers. Plates of food appeared in front of them.

“You can magick up food?” she said, astounded. “Out of thin air?”

“Oh, this came from the kitchen,” he said. “Although table ten will be quite disappointed.”

“You stole someone else’s food?” she asked.

“Oh, dear. You’re going to be very ethical and Midgardian about this, aren’t you?” he said. “I shall return it and do things the traditional way, then.” He sighed and the food disappeared.

Darcy frowned. She really was hungry. “I won, but I lost food,” she said sadly, looking at the empty table.

“A pyrrhic victory, yes? Shall I get them back?” he asked.

“Just this one time,” she said.

“Famous last words,” he said, winking. But the food was very good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I read a story about a real-life Mexican bar that specialized in tequila that you entered through a bodega and sort of crossed it with the witches' speakeasy in "Bell, Book, & Candle" with Kim Novak and Jimmy Stewart, lol. Seemed like a Loki sort of place?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, um, Tasertricks is just taking over my brain?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing. Thanks for your kudos and comments!

“Would you like to go somewhere else?” Loki asked Darcy when they were back in the alley.

“Where?” Darcy said. It had to be late, she thought. “Isn’t it, like, 1am?”

“Not everywhere on Midgard,” he said carefully. He reached out a hand. With a frisson of doubt, she took it. “Close your eyes or you’ll get dizzy,” he warned.

 

When she opened them, she was standing on a grey sidewalk. In front of the British Museum. “We’re in London?” she said.

“It’s 6am here,” he said, almost cheerfully and started walking towards a side entrance.

“The British Museum doesn’t open until 10am!” Darcy called and hurried after him. He turned back and raised an eyebrow.

“You want to wait and go with all the tourists?” he asked. “How dreadful.”

“You can’t just..” Darcy began, but the door swung open for him.

“Oh, look someone left it open,” he said, tsk-tsking and shaking his head. “Do watch out for guards or employees, Miss Lewis.”

“Are you going to steal an Asgardian relic or something?” Darcy asked curiously. She’d heard British prisons were nicer than Americans ones, but didn’t want to gain first-hand experience when Loki swiped the Mirror of Warrior Destiny or some shit.

“As if this place has any of our things,” he scoffed.

“It doesn’t?” Darcy asked curiously. “Because, you know, I always wondered if you guys helped build the pyramids or whatever?”

“The pyramids of what?” Loki asked.

“Egypt? You know, some people think it was aliens who gave the ancient Egyptians their technology? So, I wondered if it was you guys?”

“Egypt?” he repeated.

“Yeah. Cleopatra, mummies, curses, King Tut, lots of eyeliner, this move?” Darcy said, miming the “Walk Like An Egyptian” pose from the Bangles song. He looked at her quizzically for a long moment.

“I have no idea to what you are referring,” he said.

“You haven’t?” she said. “Not at all?” she said. He shook his head. “Whoa,” she said. “I thought it would be more well-known as a theory.”

 

He stared at her again. Then he burst into laughter. He actually rocked back on his heels, he was laughing so hard.

“You should see your face,” he said, when he’d finally gotten himself under control. “You are terribly gullible and easy to trick.” He grinned wickedly at her.

“Shut up,” she said. “I’m going to find the Egyptian tomb thingy.” She stomped off. “Jerk,” she muttered to herself. She was using her phone as an impromptu flashlight, so as not to attract too much attention in the early morning.

 

Darcy was beginning to feel lost when she saw the special exhibit of Rodin sculptures and Greek art. One pale grey wall was emblazoned with a quote from Rodin himself: _“The body is a cast that bears the imprint of our passions.”_

 

What did that even mean, Darcy thought? She wondered what it sounded like in the original French. Maybe it was more intelligible? Creeping quietly into the room, she shined her light into the faces of _The Kiss._ “Wow,” she said to herself, circling the sculpture. It was gorgeous. The two figures were softly entwined. The male figure had his hand on the woman’s hip. His thumb was resting gently across her hip bone, as if he had just paused in a caress. Her left arm was wrapped around the back of his head. Darcy had seen images of _The Kiss_ before, but it was nothing compared to seeing it up close and from all the angles. She stopped in front of what was, technically, the back of the sculpture. From this side, she could see the woman’s yearning expression as the man leaned down to kiss her. Darcy sighed deeply.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Loki said, appearing at her elbow. She jumped.

“Ah! Dude! Don’t scare me like that,” she said. “Especially not in front of the priceless artworks, okay?”

“You left me,” he pouted. “I thought you wanted to go view the Egyptian things?”

“I got...distracted,” Darcy said.

“Lost,” he corrected, circling the statue with his hands clasped behind his back. “This is quite beautiful and romantic.”

“Yeah,” Darcy said. She looked up at the couple again. Was it her imagination or was the woman leaning deeply into the kiss, while the man seemed more removed and aloof?

“What?” Loki asked her.

“Which one of them is more in love?” she asked him, shining her phone light up.

“Him,” Loki said quietly.

“Really? Why?” she asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Because he’s trying to hide it,” Loki said, flicking half a glance at her before looking away. “I hear a guard,” he said suddenly. He made a gesture and they were standing in the Egyptian tomb.

“Whoa,” Darcy said, swaying slightly in disorientation. He put a steading hand on her elbow.

“Sorry,” he said politely. For a moment, she thought he actually meant it. “Isn’t this incredible?” he asked, letting go and wandering around the room. It contained restored tomb panels, painted to resemble their original colors.

“It’s amazing...and a little eerie,” she said, walking along the painted panels. The room was totally windowless.

“Why?” he asked.

“This would be a strange place to spend eternity,” she said. Across the room, he said something she couldn’t quite hear. She didn’t think she was meant to hear it, actually. It sounded like he’d said he could think of worse places.

“Let’s go back out,” he said, gesturing to the exit. He walked ahead of her and quickly disappeared up a ramp. She emerged into a room filled with gold and sarcophagi.

“Loki?” she said. He was nowhere to be seen. She was weaving in between the glass cases when an alarm sounded. It was shrill and loud. “Oh, shit,” Darcy said.

“Whoops,” Loki said, appearing suddenly and grabbing her hand. “I’m afraid we have to leave.”

 

***

Back in New York, Stephen Strange was accompanying May Parker home. He’d mentioned that he could portal her back, but she seemed to disbelieve him. When they stepped out of the restaurant and he flexed his wrists to reveal a shower of sparks, she gasped. “This is real?” she said.

“Very much so,” he said. “It’s quite safe. See, there is your building.” He gestured inside the circle. “Shall I go first to demonstrate?”

“Oh my God,” May said. “That’s incredible. You could go anywhere?”

“Yes, of course,” he said, quirking an eyebrow. “Is there somewhere you’d like to go?”

“No, no, I couldn’t ask you,” she began, “it’s too much of an imposition.”

“I promise that it’s not,” Stephen said, smiling. “It would be my pleasure. Where would you like to go? Somewhere warm? Bali or Tahiti, perhaps? Ibiza?”

“Why do people pronounce it like that, anyway? Eee-bitha?” May asked.

“I have absolutely no idea,” Stephen admitted. She laughed. “But I can take you there and we’ll ask someone?” he offered.

“No, I think I’d like to go somewhere different,” she said.

“Name the place?” he said. She leaned into his ear and whispered. A few moments later, they were standing on a bridge. “I believe you’ll find it’s six am in Paris.”

“How beautiful is the Pont Au Double?” May asked.

“Very. You’ve been here before?” he asked. The sky was all violets and blues.

“Mostly for work, but this is my absolute favorite spot. The Seine below,” she said, doing a little wave at the river, “and Notre Dame to your right.”

“It’s lovely,” he said. Stephen was so busy absorbing the views that he missed May’s turn and was terribly surprised and delighted when she kissed him.

“Um,” he said, when they’d broken apart, “that was also lovely.”

“You,” May said, “are probably the nicest Strange man I’ve ever met.”

“I quite agree, er, I mean, you’re wonderful,” Stephen said, blushing furiously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a Rodin exhibit at the British museum this summer, but I've made up the rest of the exhibits, mostly. Floorplans not accurate and all that.
> 
> Also: how sweet are May & Stephen?!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Elgin Marbles...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing! Thanks for all your comments and kudos!

“You can’t just steal the Elgin Marbles!” Darcy hissed at Loki. They were sitting inside a tea shop, trying to dry off. They’d gotten a little wet fleeing the museum.

“My plan,” he said, “was to return to them to their rightful home in Greece. Isn’t that the cause du jour?”

“Um, yeah?” Darcy said, slightly mollified. “I assumed you wanted them.”

“No, of course not,” he said. “I thought we could take them back to Athens. Wouldn’t that make a great heroic splash?”

“An international crisis, possibly,” Darcy said. “If the Elgin Marbles were returned to Greece, the Egyptians would demand the return of their artifacts, countless other countries, too. All the ex-colonial powers would get those requests.”

“That sounds...complicated,” he admitted.

“It’s akin to returning something to Vanaheim when you have something Jotunheim wants? Think of them as ice marbles,” she suggested.

“The Jotunheim ice marbles,” he said, smiling. “That’s quite clever.”

“Thank you. I was a political science major at Culver,” she explained.

“Would you like tea? What is tea?” he asked.

“Are you messing with me again?” she said, tilting her head to one side in skepticism.

“Possibly,” he said, smiling. “What kind of tea do you like?”

“Earl grey or Lady Grey, if they have it. Lemon and black teas, mostly,” she said. “Sometimes black tea with cinnamon.”

 

He went over the counter and ordered for them. Darcy looked out the window at the commuters passing by on the way to work. Loki came back and sat across from her.

“It’s very drizzly in this country, isn’t it? No wonder the English wandered hither and yon, stealing anything pretty they could get their hands on,” he said, peering out the window. It was lightly raining outside. “Rather like Asgardian warriors,” he said.

“I could see Fandral swiping the Venus de Milo,” Darcy said. She’d met the Warriors Three once.

“Sif, on the other hand, would be an excellent colonial governor. Completely ruthless,” Loki said.

“Says the guy who has tried to conquer the world how many times?” Darcy asked.

Loki shrugged. “One gets bored when a lifetime is a millennia, little one,” he said. “Sif probably would have triumphed where I failed.”

“Little one?” Darcy said, slightly miffed. “Am I going to have to tase you, too?”

“Oh, please do,” he said, dropping his voice low. A wicked expression stole across his face. “I might enjoy that, under certain circumstances.”

Darcy snorted. “Quit trying to be kinky, Goth Asgard,” she scolded. “I know you’re just trying to spook me.”

He laughed. A few minutes later, a woman came with a tray bearing a teapot and a tower of scones, petit fours, and crumpets. “Ooh, Devonshire cream,” Loki told her. “Thank you.” He winked at her.

“I can’t believe you were sweet-talking the waitress,” Darcy said. “You’ve probably tried to kill her, too.”

“I do regret that,” he said in a polite voice. “Sugar? Milk?” Loki asked her.

“Yes to both, please,” Darcy said. “When did you decide to be regretful?”

“Fairly recently,” he admitted.

“Since you got booted out of Asgard?” she asked.

“There may be some overlap,” he admitted.

She dolloped some lemon curd on her scone and took a bite. “Mmmm,” she said.

“Good?” he asked.

“S’wonderful,” she said, licking her mouth. She was so busy layering lemon curd and Devonshire cream on another bit of scone that she missed his yearning, soft look. “The tea is very good, too,” she told him.

“Lovely. Would you like to see anything else before we go back?” he asked. Darcy paused, thinking.

“I would like to see the Crown Jewels again,” she said.

“You are fond of sparkly rocks, I take it? My mother loved a stone called oratine.”

“What’s oratine look like?” Darcy said. He waved his hand and something small and glowing appeared there. It was a small, round stone in an unusual color: it looked like a peachy orange shade in his palm.

“Hold it up,” Loki said, depositing it in her hand. As she held it between two fingers, it changed color. From the soft, peachy color, it transformed into a soft, gold-tinged pink.

“Wow,” Darcy said. “That’s incredible. I can see why it was your mother’s favorite.”

“It went beautifully with her hair,” Loki said in a soft voice.

“She loved you very much,” Darcy said.

“You think so?” he said.

“I know so,” Darcy said.

“How?” he asked, looking at her intently.

“She may or may not have passed Jane a message once,” Darcy said. “She had very pretty handwriting. The pink-gold ink was impressive, too.”

“Her magic was always very elegant,” Loki admitted. “Did you ever talk to her?”

“No,” Darcy said, looking at the stone, “but I can see how this would look lovely on her. She was all rose-gold, really.”

“Yes,” Loki said in a quiet voice. Darcy missed the look of relief that passed over his features when she said she hadn’t spoken to Frigga.

“You have a lot of her elegance,” Darcy said, trying to cheer him. He shrugged.

“I aspired to her style when I should have cultivated her goodness,” he said.

“It’s not too late,” Darcy told him, passing back the stone.

“Why see the Crown Jewels?” he asked, ignoring her remark.

“I just finished reading this economic history of jewels. _Stoned_ by Aja Raden? She writes about the connection between mining and pearl harvesting and the growth and fall of nation-states, it’s sort of the politics and culture of jewels,” Darcy said.

“Oh,” Loki said. “Like what?”

“There’s a whole section on these diamonds that were mined in India called ‘Golconda diamonds,’ that are unobtainable now, but one of them is in the Crown Jewels? It’s called the Koh-i-Noor? Anyway, Golconda diamonds are supposedly clear like water? They influenced all kinds of things, like Wilkie Collins’s novel _The Moonstone_ , which is about a cursed stone taken from India,” Darcy said.

“Not unlike the Elgin marbles,” Loki observed.

“Exactly like them,” Darcy said, nodding. He smiled back. As they ate their scones, she chatted about the cultivation of pearls, the curse of the Hope Diamond, and how emeralds from the Americas had once almost collapsed the Spanish economy. He listened closely. When she mentioned emeralds, Loki’s eyes took on a catlike gleam.

“Do you like emeralds?” he asked her.

“I don’t actually have much jewelry,” she admitted. “Too broke. But I think they’re beautiful.”

 

When they finally left the tea shop for the Tower of London, he magicked up an umbrella and put his arm around her. It was really very sweet, Darcy thought. She felt oddly protected.

 

***

“Aunt May?” Peter Parker was saying, “where have you been?”

“On a date,” May said, hanging up her coat and handbag near the door.

“It’s like, three am,” her nephew said. He tilted his head in confusion. May looked oddly...pleased?

“It was the best date,” May said, smiling. “I’ll spare you all the details about how we made out like teenagers on a bridge.”

“Oh, God,” Peter said.

“Also,” May said, “you sort of have mutual acquaintances? He’s a friend of Tony Stark’s?”

“Please don’t let it be Happy Hogan,” Peter muttered to himself. “Please don’t let it be Happy Hogan. Please don’t...”

“Who?” May said. “It was Dr. Strange. Stephen Strange. You’ll like him, I swear.”

“The wizard with the this?” Peter said, gesturing towards his chin. “Tony calls him his Facial Hair Bro?”

“Oh, no,” May said. “I bet Stephen _hates_ that.”

Peter nodded. “Yeah,” he said. “He’s an okay dude. Darcy Lewis told me about him.”

“Oh, I brought you back some macarons?” May said.

“From where?” Peter asked, taking the box. It was pink and had Ladurée in gold letters across the top.

“Paris,” May said with a dreamy sigh. “That’s where we went. He portaled us there.”

“Oh,” Peter said, reading the label on the box. “Do you think he could portal me and MJ to DC for spring break? There are these protests...”

 

***

 

The next day, there was a knock on the door of the Sanctum. “Ah, yes, hello?” Stephen asked. A young man was standing on the doorstep, looking nervous. He was tapping his feet.

“Dr. Strange?” he asked. “I’m Peter. May’s nephew.” The Cloak of Levitation waved happily at Peter, who smiled back. “Hey, there, um, fancy cape?” he said.

“How can I help you, Peter?” Stephen asked politely. He wanted to get along with May’s nephew.

“Um, uh, oh man, this is awkward,” Peter said, scratching his head. “I don’t know where to start?”

“Tea?” Stephen asked politely.

“Oh, ok, yeah, tea,” Peter said. They sat in the living room. Stephen looked at Peter, waiting for clarification. Peter blushed furiously. The cloak bounced happily.

“Well?” Stephen asked, once he’d poured them both a nice green tea blend.

“I need help with a girl,” Peter said suddenly. “It’s not anything bad.”

“You haven’t committed a crime?” Stephen asked, concerned.

“No, no, no,” Peter said, waving his arms. “Everything’s okay. I just--I just, uh,” he stopped.

Stephen crooked an eyebrow. He was dearly hoping this wasn’t about sex. “Yes?” he prompted.

“I need some, uh, magic to ask her out?” Peter said in a desperate voice. “Can you help?”

  



	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki is, of course, a fan of sceptres and Katy Perry. Peter thinks all magic is like Harry Potter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing! Thanks for your comments and kudos.

“Now this, this appeals to me,” Loki said aloud, looking at the Sovereign’s Sceptre. “Is this the Koh-i-Noor?” he asked Darcy, gesturing at the large diamond set in the top.

“No, that is the Cullinan I,” Darcy said, reading from a nearby plaque. “The world’s largest cut white diamond. Five hundred and thirty carats. The smaller Cullinan II diamond is in the imperial crown.”

They circled the room, gazing at the different displays. Loki seemed particularly transfixed by the ceremonial sword. “You like knives and swords?” Darcy joked.

“Knife fighting is an art form,” Loki said seriously. “Guns are crude implements. Anyone can operate one. There is nothing to match the elegance and the grace of a sword.”

“Uh-huh,” Darcy said. His expression was slightly alarming. He must have caught her looking, because he relaxed a little and shifted to a more teasing face.

“You prefer a taser?” he said.

“Yup,” she said. “Point and shock.” He smiled.

“I wish I could have been there when you shocked my dear brother,” he said.

“I sort of thought he was drunk,” Darcy said.

“He is drunk rather frequently,” Loki said with a chuckle. Finally, they stopped at the imperial crown. “There was a Black Prince?” Loki asked. He must’ve read the part about the Black Prince’s ruby, the crown’s center stone, Darcy realized.

“Um, I guess so? I don’t know anything about him?” she said. An older man standing near them spoke up.

“There is debate over whether the nickname originates with Prince Edward’s burnished armour or his massacre of civilians at the battle of Limoges,” he said politely.

“Thank you,” Darcy said.

 

“The Black Prince,” Loki mused, as they left the Tower.

“You’re contemplating that as a nickname, aren’t you?” Darcy said.

“It would fit, would it not?” he asked. “Whether they meant my armour or my nature,” he said quietly.

“You could always turn over a new leaf,” Darcy suggested.

“A new leaf? Become the Green Prince?” he said wryly.

“What about the Green Knight?” Darcy said. “If I’m remembering correctly, he issues challenges that terrify all the knights except Gawain, but turn out to tests of bravery and values?”

“I am unfamiliar with the Green Knight,” Loki said.

“He’s a character from Arthurian legend. I think his green color is meant to symbolize the unpredictability of nature? I wonder if they make green armour?” Darcy said aloud. 

“Anything is obtainable,” Loki said. “Even the Koh-i-Noor.” His eyes lit up.

“Oh, no, no, no, not anything from the Tower! Thor will be upset, everyone will yell at you,” Darcy reminded him. Really, she didn’t want Jane to yell at her for leading him right to the world’s most famed diamonds. This could have been a bad plan. Well, that was they had security for, right?

“I don’t mind that, really,” Loki said. “Makes a change?”

“A change from what?” Darcy asked, curious.  
“I do get so tired of the same thing, day in, day out. Fight our enemies, feast, drink, listen to Thor’s stories, fight our enemies, feast, drink, listen to more of Thor’s stories,” Loki said, magicking up an umbrella again and offering her his elbow. It was starting to rain.

“Just promise me you won’t kill anyone, okay?” she asked. “I can accept mayhem, but I have a philosophical objection to murder.”

“Not even someone really terrible or boring?” he asked. She gave him a stern look. “Very well,” he said. “I suppose I shall have to find excitement elsewhere.”

“You can’t think of alternative possibilities?” she said, thinking of all the places she could go if she could magick herself anywhere and conjure up credit cards at will.

“I could,” he said, peering down at her. “But I usually prefer to wait until the second date?”

“What?” she said, confused. She really didn’t expect him to lean down and kiss her at that moment, but it was quite a good kiss. His mouth was an interesting combination of warmth and coolness. He tasted like peppermint tea.

 

“I suppose I should take you home,” he said, sometime later. They were still standing on the sidewalk in the rain. He was nuzzling the top of her head and she had her face snuggled against him. She wondered, idly, if that clean, slightly wintery smell was aftershave or if half-Frost Giants just smelled like a snow on a fir tree?

“Jane will be wondering where I went,” Darcy said, faintly muffled by his jacket collar.

“Alas, she does want me to return you, does she not?” he asked.

“Probably,” she said, inhaling deeply. “Can we get some more scones to take back?”

 

***

 

“You want me to help you with a date?” Stephen asked Peter incredulously. “How?” He put down his tea.

“Um, uh, I need a spectacular way of asking?” Peter said. “Like that swirly stuff you do?” Peter did the sling ring motion with his hand. Stephen raised an eyebrow.

“It happens to be real magic,” Strange said. “Not special effects or Harry Potter. Some of it is quite dangerous.”

“Um, look, can I just be honest?” Peter asked nervously. “I’m terrible at this and my aunt really likes you, so I thought maybe you might have, like a move? I can’t ask Mr. Stark, it’s too weird, you know?”

“No, I wouldn’t ask Tony,” Stephen said decisively, “unless you want this to be an unmitigated disas--wait, May said she had a good time?”

“Yeah?” Peter said. “She’s been, like, walking on air. Also, humming to herself and listening to accordion music at home?”

“Accordion music?” Stephen said.

“Not polka, but French restaurant stuff?” Peter said. He awkwardly hummed a little Edith Piaf to demonstrate and Stephen nodded.

“French stuff,” the ex-physician said, inadvertently giving Peter a big otter smile. Peter was a bit taken aback. He waited a few seconds, but Stephen was lost in thought.

“So, you’ll help me?” Peter said, once the full effect of Stephen’s oddly boyish smile had worn off.

“Yes, I’ll help you,” Stephen said.

“What do we do?” Peter said hopefully.

Stephen put his hands on his knees. “I have absolutely no idea,” he said. “What were you thinking of doing?”

“What about a talking invitation?” Peter asked.

“That’s Hogwarts again, isn’t it?” Stephen asked.

“Sorta,” Peter admitted.

They were suddenly interrupted by a knock at the door. “Peter, this better not be a supervillain’s house!” May called from the stoop.

“Uh-oh,” Peter said.

“How did she find you?” Stephen asked.

“Tony must’ve bugged my backpack,” the teen said mournfully.

 

***

When she and Loki magicked back, it was dawn in New York City. They were back on the helipad.  Loki was carrying the boxes of scones. He’d bought some extra for Jane. They walked through the doors and rode the elevator to the Avengers floor. Tony programmed the elevators to play classic rock. “Hey, J-man,” Darcy said to the AI, “will you play something else?”

“What would you prefer, Miss Lewis?” the AI asked.

“May I?” Loki asked.

“Sure?” Darcy said. The elevator’s speakers began to play Katy Perry. “Firework?” she asked.

“She’s very fun,” Loki said neutrally.

“Brunettes with boobs, huh?” Darcy said, as the doors opened.

“No comment,” Loki said carefully. He walked ahead of her. They were depositing the scones on the counter in the common room kitchen when a stern voice made Darcy jump.

“Darcy Elizabeth Lewis! Where have you been?” Jane said. “I was very worried.”

“Jeez, Jane! You scared me!” Darcy said. “We were just getting back--”

“We?” Jane said. Darcy looked at where Loki had been standing a few seconds before. He’d vanished.

“Aww, I think you scared him,” Darcy said. “You can be very scary for such a small, delicate person.”

“I assumed he was holding you hostage,” Jane said.

“No,” Darcy said, shaking her head. “Although we may be banned from the British Museum. Do you want a scone?”

“You went to London?” Jane said.

“Yeah, it was really fun,” Darcy said. She handed Jane a scone. “Those are cranberry, but I also have chocolate orange.”

“Darce, he didn’t try any mind control on you or something, did he?” Jane asked, looking worried. “You’re smiling a lot.”

“What does Thor taste like when you kiss him? Does he taste like Christmas trees in the snow?” Darcy asked her, half-lost in thought.

“Oh hell no,” Jane said. “I’m telling Thor. Thor! Your brother kissed my platonic lifemate! What are you going to do about it?”

Thor stuck his head out of Jane’s apartment door. “What has occurred to upset you, my Jane?” he asked.

“Loki has been kissing Darcy,” Jane grumbled. “I’m not sure mind control isn’t involved.” Thor looked shocked.

“You have been kissing my brother?” he asked.

“Stop that,” Darcy said. “I’m not brainwashed. I’m taking my scone to bed now,” she told Jane firmly.

She went into her darkened apartment and was reaching for the light switch when Loki clicked on a lamp by the sofa. She almost shrieked, but he was there in a split-second, pressing his cool, elegant fingers to her mouth. “I’m very sorry,” he whispered. “I forgot to kiss you goodnight.” He leaned down and kissed her again.

“Mmm-hmm,” she said back, pulling away. “You fled. Like a chicken. From Jane,” she said, giggling.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but she is rather terrifyingly intense?” he said back, chuckling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS: I imagine that Jane would kick Loki in the shins if he hurts Darcy, yes?
> 
> PS 2: I forgot to mention that Stoned by Aja Raden from the last chapter is a *real* book and is excellent. I highly recommend it, so fascinating: https://www.npr.org/2015/12/14/459686327/from-trading-beads-to-the-first-wristwatch-a-history-of-shiny-objects

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what I'm doing with this, but JediKaren was super excited about May/Strange when I mentioned it, so here we are!


End file.
